


Your boyfriend loves me

by Rosstta1228



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA, Boys In Love, LGBTQ Character, M/M, alot of different sexuality, and genders - Freeform, highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-16 16:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18097577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosstta1228/pseuds/Rosstta1228
Summary: Jisung, even though being surrounded by his gay friends, is petrified of coming out, due to an experience in elementary. He falls for Minho a guy he has never talked to, and though he'll never open his feelings to him, he'll one day with the rest of his friends, will soon no longer be afraid.





	1. beginning

/Jisung/  
Afraid.  
I’ve always been afraid. Whether to stand up for myself, talk out-loud in class, being alone or just for no reason.  
But now I have a reason to be afraid.  
To feel my heart rate increase, to feel that adrenaline throughout my body, to feel light-headed and to feel as if I can’t breathe. That my mind goes foggy and can’t think straight, that I’m so stiff I feel so disconnected from the world.  
Yes I have a reason to be afraid.  
I’m gay . . . and I’m never going to come out.  
In elementary school my first crush was a guy, he was in the same class as me. He was sweet, at least to the teacher and to his friends. At times I’d pay more attention to him than my work. I’d take glances from my seat or just watch him play soccer with the other kids. I never talked to him but just watch him from sidelines.  
I didn’t pay much attention to it, I knew I was gay but I guess It felt so normal to have these feelings I didn’t really care that I liked a boy. Until, once in 4th grade when rumors around the school about me being gay.  
I really thought nothing of it, till those rumors came along. Every day kids in school would give me stank looks or talk behind my back, a lot of girls thought I was disgusting while the boys tried to stay away from me.  
And of course.  
He found out.  
During recess I saw him walk towards me.  
Even though he didn’t stay away from me . . . I really wish he never existed.  
“Why boys? Could you not find a girl to like? A guy liking a guy, is creepy and disgusting! You’re disgusting!”  
At the time, I felt so heartbroken. But then, so afraid. Ever since then I felt scared to come out. Scared that others won’t accept me, won’t understand, say harsh things to me and find me;  
disgusting.  
I don’t want anything to happen to me after coming out, so id just dig those feelings deep into my heart. Somewhere deep where no one would dare to look-into, where it’d be a secret that only my heart knows.  
But sadly, I’ve got another crush.  
Minho  
Since ninth grade he’s been in my class either one or two times. And again I’ve been watching from the sidelines.  
He has black hair covering most of his forehead. Has a cute nose with pretty, glassy skin. His black eyes where if you stare at him directly you can see the stars and galaxy. His small but cute pink lips.  
I could go on. Though, I’ve never met him.  
Never talked to him, never met eyes with him, never bumped into him and never come up to him.  
Maybe because I never talked in class or maybe because I’m not really loud mouthed.  
Even though I like him, he’ll never know that. I’ve kept this a secret since 5th grade, now I’m in 11th grade, which no one suspects that I’m gay, so it means I’m doing good.  
Sometimes when I look at Minho, I wish, I wish, I could be with him. Not as friends, but more!  
Holding hands, kissing him, laying with him, laughing with him, staying up all night with him, being his lover.  
It’s all just a dream, a different unrealistic reality.  
I’d never would get that far with him, nor with any guy. That’s a fact!  
For now I just sulk in the corner of the class room in the periods I have with him just staring intently at him, just admiring him beauty. Thinking ‘If only I were to touch his lips with mine then I’d sink away with the feeling of his soft lips’  
Again; A dream.


	2. 2

/Jisung/

I only have a mother, father and a older brother who’s still in college. Which I rarely get to see him. 

So at home it gets boring while at school no one talks to me nor do I have any friends my age. Though the only friends I have are Chan and Changbin. 

Changbin is in 12th grade while Chan is in first year of college. I met them both in 9th grade, even though we’re one grade high, Chan being the oldest and I being the youngest, when we started to hangout was in the library. We would talk about making it big in the music industry, how we could become world stars. 

I mean it sounded fun and I thought it was just a fantasy, the more we talked about it the more I wanted it. So instead of talking we started to write down lyrics. We all would, after school, go to Changbin’s house and record of music. Chan would record, Changbin would do the music and I was to write the lyrics for each song.

We all would rap, and to be honest, I felt so free when I rapped. I felt more open and could say anything. I would write the lyrics about how I felt on matters of the world and how I would rap about our feelings it was like speaking up for myself and for others. It felt great and I would never give up on this dream. Our dream.

We called ourselves 3racha.

Chan is our leader and has always been. He pretty much started the group and how we all met. Though I only see him after school, he’s always studying and making time to meet us. 

Changbin told me that, for Chan, it’s getting hard in college. He is studying Music Production and even though he always is there working on the music and recording, he can be distracted at times. But I understand that it isn’t easy, Changbin had already told him before that even though we’re trying to make our-self known, school should come first. Chan knew that but I saw that he wanted to make our music first. I really admire that.

Changbin said that Chan doesn’t go out often and he doesn’t have much friends at college. Except for his boyfriend Woojin. Whom I’ve seen a few times.

He’d come to Changbin’s house when we’re working on the music, and he’d stay for a bit just to check in on Chan. I’ve only gotten to “Hey.” And “How you been.” That’s pretty much it.

I don’t know if it’s me being shy or I just don’t really know him that well to start a conversation, which sucks because that’s like meeting a new person and just having an awkward conversation. 

To be honest when I heard Chan having a boyfriend, I was a little shocked, but not in a bad way. I remember me and Changbin joking with Chan saying he’s bisexual he’d go along with it. But when Chan finally told me he’s been dating a guy that he met in college, which I heard from Changbin first, not Chan. He told me; 

“You guys were always right! I guess I was just a little afraid of coming out.”

I didn’t know. 

I really didn’t know he was afraid. I never viewed him any differently and saw him still as a brother and a friend. Even though he came out to me, it didn’t get rid of my fear. It’s as if my fear was taking over me throughout the years and now, it’s already too late.

But I really admire him, because he got over his fear, something that I wish I knew how to do.

If only.

As for Changbin, he hasn’t been dating anyone at the moment. He’s so into his school work he doesn’t have time for dates Though he does make time for us and that’s what matters. We knew that Changbin wasn’t exactly straight. One day during our recording, he goes into the mic and says;

“I’m Queer.”

Which made Chan a little mad because it messed up our song, but it also made him happy.

I had Changbin explain to me what Queer meant a few times. He’d say;

“I just don’t want a label, so I’m queer.”

Even though I didn’t understand at first, it made sense over time. 

Even though I’m with other gay people, it never made me feel more willing to open up and come out. I felt stuck in one place and I never been able to make it out. The fear had done its job of swallowing me into a dark hole and never finding a way out.

“Jisung. Jisung!” Changbin snapped.

I peered above my book to see Changbin with an annoyed look.

“Why are you zoning out Jisung?” He asked.

We were at the library, during school hours, which was the place we’re him and I would meet to talk and write lyrics. Though I’ve been zoning out for a bit without noticing.

“Sorry dude, I’m just a little err- tired.” I lied.

“Well you should get some rest.” 

“Yeah, I know.” I put my book down and looked back at the lyrics sheet. Barely finished with writing our new song.

“I don’t know how to say this Jisung but . . .” He bit his bottom lip. “This is our last hangout at the library.” He gazed at the corner of the library, it’s as if he didn’t want to see my face.

“Wait, what!?” I blurted. 

Still looking away; “It’s that I want to focus more of my work. Don’t worry we’d still be able to meet each other after school but just not during.”

 

“Did you talk to Chan about this?”

“Yeah, I did, and he said it was fine! Look you’re great without my help writing the lyrics, so just keep it up okay!”

I slid down in my chair and puffed. I knew that if this was the last time I’d be with Changbin at school I’d have no one to talk to throughout the school hours.

Finally he looked at me with sorry eyes. 

“I really don’t mean to leave you alone like this. I don’t, but I need to focus of school work to get over this grade and school so I can be more of help in our music. I can barely do anything and either Chan, so I want to help out twenty-four seven and give it my all. I want you to do the same.”

I sighed and sat up right in my chair. “Okay, I understand.”

“Good! I promise it will all work out!” He gave me a thumbs up and a big smile. 

‘At least he’s doing it for us.’ I thought.

At that, the bell for next period rung. 

“Alright Jisung, gotta go! See ya after!” He got up and waved good-bye. 

I waved back but felt a little empty.

I glanced back at the sheet and then tucked it into my backpack and left the library.

‘These days are gonna be the most lonesome days, huh.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really into this story and will be publishing most chapters throughout the week since it's doing pretty good as my first Stray kids fanfic. I said they'll be other LGBTQ+ characters and i would rather not reply to those asking if a sexuality will be there. I would rather continue the story and let others find out during their reading, though i promise there will be others like pansexual, bisexual, queer and so on, even Gender Identity. I want to make this LGBTQ+ friendly and share experiences in this story of mine and others. So im very sorry if i dont reply but i do apprieciate the support. Thanks!!!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first stray kids fanfic. I know this wasn't much exciting but i promise it will get more interesting and hopefully uplifting! As another gay guy there will be alot of lgbtq+ characters! So please stay tune! Ty!


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